Okay...so it has now been over five months since I last "blogged." I'm sure you have all probably stopped reading but I'm writing now because I need to. I need to say these things to someone so that hopefully SOMEONE will hold me accountable. I'm far away from my safe life in Vancouver where I lived with a vegan and a vegetarian who both eat quite healthy (90% of the time) and living in a place where hardly anyone is vegetarian and I'm constantly surrounded by my favourite junk foods.
A recipe for disaster. Well perhaps to be less dramatic, a recipe for falling of the wagon. I have eaten cheese, ice cream and more cheese, sour cream and onion potato chips, chips with whey powde, chocolate, r and oh yeah, did I mention the cheese? And I feel like shit. I do. My stomach is all messed up again, my energy is whack, my skin is breaking out and my immune system is sucking. SO WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP EATING THIS JUNK? I don't want to. I know I feel better if I don't. I know I'm going against what I believe is right. I don't want to eat or use or wear animal products anymore. I feel so damn guilty. I feel ashamed and embarassed and like a failure. But mostly I feel bloated and sick.
This has to stop. I think I'm being mean to myself by not letting myself eat all that shitty food when in reality, allowing myself to eat it makes me feel...well, like shit. So what do I do now? Do I go cold turkey? That's really the only option isn't it. Because a little sugar leads to more sugar which leads to an unstoppable binge. So tomorrow I will be nice to myself. I will be a good little vegan and treat my stomach and my body to nice healthy food.
I hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment